the good, the bad & the ugly…

written by : cyn knight

day: 339
happy humps bloggywood!

wow, wednesday already!?!
another week just flying by.
it makes me kind of sad because before we know it; summer will be over!
😦
but moving along…

the good:
i’m in love…
i am.
he is wonderful and i would have to be nuts not to be head over heels for him!

sunset on our walk…

dean has started to walk with us & it’s just wonderful to not only have a great walking buddy, but also to have the extra time with him.

i got the official invite to my 25th high school reunion!
how ironic since we just went to dean’s last weekend.
it is the last weekend in may 2013 and in gulfport, mississippi of course.
y’all didn’t know i was a southern gal?
no wonder i’m so sweet & kickass huh?
but i am really psyched and we are already plotting the trip!
among other wonderful things…

the bad:
i am not loving body revolution.
this is my third try — i am in the next workouts — and for some reason i just do not like it as much as the shred & ripped workouts?
ugh!
not loving or at least liking your workout is HUGE!
i dread it and that is never a good thing!!!!
what to do!?!?!

i ate cheese.
BAD vegan!
why oh why cheese do you smite thee?!?!?!
going sans meat is no biggie (minus the smell of a grill going at maximum speed) — but the cheese just taunts me non-stop!
but this is why i call myself a vegan/vegetarian because i do have cheese fuck up’s!

the ugly:
ugh…
how i just don’t even want to write this but i need to.
and of course it is about the ex.

sadly i was right; he has stewed over my being in a serious relationship and his true colors are flying high.

he played it cool but i knew then that it would only be a matter of time.
he showed his true feelings last thursday by bombarding me with nasty texts for most of the day.
THIS from someone who is not allowed to speak to me let alone harrass me with his filth!
he was supposed to pick skylar up on sunday and per usual he tried using that as some leverage to upset me so i flat out told him he couldn’t get her. it wasn’t his weekend and i am fucking fed up with him using her like a pawn in his bullshit! what sort of parent does that?!?!?!

well clearly this pissed him off because to make a long story short — he has not called skylar since. today makes six days. this from someone who called twice a day.
he also has stopped going to work this week; ironically the first week child support is due to be deducted from his check.

i spoke to him briefly yesterday morning before skylar woke up (thank gawd i was smart enough to do that!) and he sounded drunk & was completely belligerent to me.
he hates me.
i ruined his life.
he wishes he never met me and had skylar with me.
i can go fuck myself.
my *new boyfriend* can take care of us.
my *new boyfriend* will get sick of my *shit* and skylar’s *shit*.
i will come running back to him and he cannot wait to tell me to *fuck off and die*.
he is a *bottomless pit of utter shit* thanks to me.
i never loved him.
he never loved me.
he wishes i were dead.
he hates his life and wishes he was dead and when he is i can tell skylar that i slowly killed him.
lovely aye?
and sadly most of this i have heard before — a time or two actually!

BUT…
needless to say — this monster will not be picking up MY child anytime soon; if ever again!!!!
there is no way in hell i will allow her to be anywhere near him in this state!
matter of fact i am seeing the victim’s advocate tomorrow and getting a restraining order against him for skylar and i.

only thing is i have no idea where to have it served to him.
apparently he is MIA because his step-father, whom i barely even know, texted me last night on behalf of his mother, asking me if i knew where he was or had heard from him.
sadly he is known for pulling disappearing acts and i am guessing he is doing just that now.

the four years we were together skylar and i never met his family. it has only been since our breakup that she has gotten to know them all and absolutely adores them.

his stepfather made it clear to me last night that regardless of what happens — they want to ensure that skylar stays in their lives and i absolutely want that too!

ugh!
i wonder if he has any clue how his actions effect SO many people?
and it breaks my heart to see him like this again — he has regressed back to a monster, plain and simple.
and i will not allow a monster in our life!

it’s tiring dealing with this ALL the time.
and i would be lying if i didn’t wish that he wouldn’t pull a disappearing act and leave us all alone.
skylar is young and would forget about him to a degree.

yesterday she asked for him a lot & i basically told her that daddy is sick and he can’t see her for awhile.
not a lie whatsoever because i do not want to sugar coat this.

i loathe him for doing this to us; especially her who loves him unconditionally.
he is deplorable!!!!!!!!

i dislike ending on such a shitty note… but despite the severity of it all’ i truly feel like this is the beginning of the end of this chaos.
i wish things could be civil and we could raise skylar jointly — but he is making that absolutely impossible!
and even if dean weren’t in my life — i would feel the exact same way.
BUT having him has been a godsent and i cannot help but think that divine intervention brought us together when it did.
no two people needed one another as much as we did!

happy wednesday kittens!

peace, love & margaritas (i need a BIG ONE) bloggy peeps!
xxoo
cyn